The Other Gym Teacher Guy

So, my replacement came in last week and there was much ado about something. My co-workers were giving me shit, telling me I should challenge him to a race, or see who could bench more, or something like that. I was thinking of acting like Eddie from Major League when he gets replaced as the coach in Hoosiers, and confronting my Norman Dale. "You know, these boys here in Suji like gym to be a certain way. Now, you go throwin' these newfangled ideas at 'em, well, it's just not gonna take." Then I could offer him my unsolicited advice on how he should run things. But, I figured if I did that, he'd end up hiring the town drunk to be his assistant, and we don't want the kids around that, do we? Plus, there's really no Jimmy Chitwood of gym students at our school, so the whole thing would have been fucked.

Anyway, none of that happened. I was as curious as everyone else and was peering through the window to watch the Korean language gym class (at an English language school - no, I'm not bitter). The kids seemed to enjoy it enough, and it was entirely in Korean. However, some of the Korean teachers told me that the kids were saying that they wished I was still the gym teacher, and that they liked me better. Yeah, yeah, get on the fucking boat. My duties as the new Assistant to the Math Teacher are pretty cool though. I actually get to teach the kids, and I don't have to worry about disciplining them as much in a classroom setting. Some of the wild beasts of the gym are actually pretty bright kids when you put an equation in front of them.

The weather has turned incredibly nice here and a bunch of us went last Saturday to a park on Yeoido Island, which is the part of Seoul that's kind of an island (there's a canal b/w it and the south side of the river). We sat along the river's edge and drank and chilled out for hours, and it was one of the best times I've had so far in Korea. We're going back next Saturday. On Sunday, about ten of us went to another Doosan Bears game, and it was great. However, my beloved Bears lost again, and I still have not seen them win in person. After the game, we went to Dos Tacos and I ordered about $20 worth of Mexican food. I've been eating like a pig lately (I ate about $30 worth of breakfast food on Saturday - yeah, really), and have put back on about 5 of the 25 pounds I had lost since coming here. Oh, well, shit happens. You can't help but lose weight here, so I'm not worried.

I downloaded and watched Street Kings the other night, and was completely underwhelmed. I mean, don't get me wrong, some of the action scenes were great, but fucking Keanu just killed it for me. His acting was even worse than normal. At one point, as he and Chris Evans were engaged in a shitty acting confrontation, I actually thought to myself, "Man, I didn't realize Chris Evans had fallen to the point where he's actually doing movies with Keanu now." Anyway, I don't recommend it. I also wholeheartedly urge you to avoid seeing Definitely, Maybe. Another complete crapfest. Blockbuster season can't get here soon enough. Until then, I have Harold & Kumar coming out this Friday.

I've pretty much figured out my vacation schedule for the upcoming months. If the Creep comes to visit me, we'll definitely do a few days in Seoul, and maybe a few days in Busan. We might even try to hit Shanghai or Beijing, but it all depends on how much flights are. If the Creep doesn't come, I'm just going to fly to Shanghai and spend 4 or 5 days there. A few of us are going to Jeju Island in June. It's this really nice Korean island with beaches and a lot of great scenery. Finally, I'm hitting the Philippines in September. The Philippines have always fascinated me, and I'm majorly geeked up about going there. Also, if anyone wants to pre-order a T-shirt from the Hobbit House, just let me know. http://gridskipper.com/travel/nightlife/hobbit-house-bar-124618.php

Anyway, that's about all for now. The new ACL lineup came out, and I'm bummed about missing out on Alison Krauss and Robert Plant playing together (and, with all due respect to a rock god, I think Krauss is slumming a little on that one). However, there is this really cool music festival called Pentaport in Seoul that I might try to hit up, depending on how the schedule works out. Until next time, take it easy. Oh, and if you're in Austin and you're not eating at Magnolia, Maudie's, Guero's, Maria's Taco Xpress, Polvos, Shady Grove, Baby A's, Chuy's, El Chile, or Tacodeli at least once a week, you should be killed. Like Cinderella said, don't know what you got till it's gone. Eat there. Eat there for me!

Uncle Sam is My Homeboy

So, for those of you who don't know, I was a complete oxygen pirate for most of 2007. I didn't work at all from Dec 1, 2006, until the day I was officially laid off, January 29, 2007. After that, I chilled like a little bitch with my vacation and severance pay, cashed in my 401K, and milked unemployment for six months. I was actually filing unemployment claims from Australia and New Zealand. The bottom line is, I knew I'd be screwed when it came to 2007 taxes, and I prepared for it. I estimated, pretty accurately (I thought) in my head, that I would owe about $4600 - 4800 in taxes. Well, that is SO not the case. I just did my taxes and I'm getting back $3800. How is this even possible. Is this evil administration really that messed up? I have no right to a refund after my abysmal (even by my standards) 2007. I passed out in puddles of my own vomit, drunkenly traveled the globe, whored and slummed, made out with a Maori tribeswoman, and engaged in more than a few illegal activities (hell, I can think of five on the Greenbelt alone). And, for this, I'm rewarded with a $8400 swing? Are you fucking kidding me? I love this world!

I even triple-checked it, just to be sure, and it's legit. When I cashed in my 401K, I paid about $2800 in taxes on it. Well, for some inexplicable reason, I got it all back. This makes no sense, and I prefer it that way. Anyway, sorry to gloat, but this is one of the best days I've had in a while. I was planning to wait until September to take my next trip, but I'm almost certainly going somewhere in July now (I get a week off in July). Maybe Shanghai, maybe Beijing, maybe Tokyo, maybe your mom's house. It all depends.

Anyway, enough about that. I went to a Korean baseball game on Sunday for the first time, and came away completely indoctrinated into the Doosan Bears savage fan club. The atmosphere at a Korean baseball game can best be described as Nazi-like, only w/o the burning of books and killing of Jews. I was completely caught up and cheering like a madman. They even have cheerleaders there (and they change outfits throughout the game). There is a beer vendor walking around with a mini-keg on his back, and that was pretty much the highlight of the day for me. Oh, and they have those two inflatable sticks that you can bang together to make an annoying sound, and about 80% of the audience has them. Yep, this is Korea, and they don't fuck around when it comes to cheering for baseball teams. I got myself some sweet new Doosan gear, so I'm all set to be a tried and true fan now. Go Bears!

That's about it. I found out I'll be getting a new class in May called an "outing class" (settle down, Hoover, we're not coming after you). I'll take a few kids around town to different places (the park, the library, the bar, the whorehouse, etc.) and teach them vocabulary and expressions related to those places. It actually sounds like a lot of fun, and I can't wait to teach a kid to order an EJ (if you have to ask, man, you can't afford it).

And, on that note, I'm going to take a break and celebrate my extra newfound wealth. Lick me, all of you! Oh, and here are some pics:

Return of the Mack

Hello, faithful readers! Sorry I've been gone so long, but now I'm back to rock the show. What has happened in the last few weeks? A lot. I made my first trip to a Korean casino and stumbled away $800 richer, thanks to two three-of-a-kinds in Three Card Poker. Assssaaaaaaa! The Korean casinos are very nice, and they have everything but Craps. They keep the drinks coming, and they bring you a menu while you're at the gaming tables if you want food. When it's ready, they come tell you, and you can just leave your chips at the table and wander over to the food area to eat. The place was chock full of military dudes losing their paychecks, teachers losing their paychecks, and Japanese and Chinese visitors losing their Yen and Yuan. My group had a blast and plan on going back on a semi-regular basis.

Sir Edward Hoover made his second trip to Seoul this year, as he was in town for business all of last week. He stayed over an extra night to party in Itaewon with yours truly, and we had a good ol' time. I was going to stay at the Ritz Carlton with Ed, but he had other plans, so I ended up taxiing it back to the Suj at 2am. And that's all I have to say about that.

My private lessons are still going well, and I'm able to save a good chunk of change every month. I'm still shedding the pounds, even though I haven't really been working out, and am gradually getting back into fighting shape. Seriously, the 34s are starting to sag a little on me. Assssaaaaaa!

My school was purchased by a new owner/director, and she really has her shit together. The communication to the foreign teachers (us) is light years ahead of where it was last month, and I'm no longer worried about the school going under, as she seems to have enough money to weather any storm that might present itself in the next year. The new kids are still good, and all of the other teachers are a bit jealous b/c I have the best morning class, by far. Janie, Claire, Tomas, and Hank rule. Hank isn't as dumb as I originally thought; he's just slower than the others, partly b/c he's about ten months younger. He's picking things up fairly quickly now though. He still colors are cuts like a mongoloid though, so I have to help him when it comes time to color/cut/glue. He's very meticulous with his coloring, and likes the entire picture to be colored in, with nothing outside the lines. He'll point to one of the pictures and to a color of crayon, and he'll allow me to help him finish. It's kind of cool, since my coloring wipes its ass with that of the kids, so I kind of feel like a badass. Yeah, you wish you could do this don't you, you little shits? I kind of feel like Mac from Philly. (What do you want me to do?)

The weather is finally getting warmer here, and it was actually up to 70 today. Spring is in the air, the cherry blossoms are blooming, and the fucking yellow dust is starting to kick in (and, I'm told, it will get worse). I'll take it though, b/c that miserable cold is finally gone. This will last for about another 1.5 months, and then it will be hot as balls for four months. Oh, well. So it goes.

I've been relieved of my duties as gym teacher, and am now the math teacher. The new owner thinks the kids need even more discipline in gym (and I'm a mean MF'er with those kids sometimes), so a professional gym teacher will be coming on Wednesdays to instruct them in their native tongue. I'm going to miss the mindlessness of playing hide-and-seek and duck, duck, goose, and watching and laughing while they do Tae-Bo, but it's probably a good idea to bring in a pro. Some of those little fuckers just run amock in gym, and it stresses me out.

I went to the Seoul Zoo on Sunday and came away VERY impressed. It was really cool in a uniquely fucked-up Asian way, but I loved it. Plus, they have a sky lift that goes for about 20 minutes over the zoo, which was really cool. It was a very unsafe sky lift, kind of like a ski lift, but it was awesome. I saw a polar bear for the first time in my life (I think), as well as a few other animals native to Asia. After that, I went into Itaewon and feasted on Indian food for the second time in my life. I now love Indian food.

That's about it, really. I cut my hair and have gotten nothing but compliments on the new 'do, so I've got that going for me, which is nice. Here are a few pics to keep you all up to date on things. I'll be back soon. Later.

St. Paddy's Day and More on the New Kids

So, I went to the coolest St. Paddy's Day parade I've ever been to (hey, sorry, I've never been to the ones in NYC and Chicago) on Saturday, in downtown Seoul. I think the pictures speak for themselves. Yes, Koreans do weird shit for parades. Yes, my ridiculous smile is staged in the 5th pic (think Ron Burgundy "we're having fun"). Yes, I'm going to tube down that stream this summer. Yes, I'm really that obliterated in the last pic (and, yes, I'm drinking green beer!). Let's just say that I got majorly buzzed, had to stop drinking right after the parade and rush off to teach my private, then rush back and play catchup to all of my friends. The parade itself was awesome, and I think I saw what Jake Busey's character from Contact will look like in twenty years (is he supposed to be Jesus?).



















Anyway, the night just got ridiculously crazy and ended with me inhaling about two pounds of Mexican food, slamming two soju kettles, and taxiing it home with a few friends. There were many shenanigans though, and it was a very memorable night.

My new kids are pretty cool in the morning. Hank is kinda dumb, but he has his moments. Claire is very quiet, but smart. Janie is my new favorite kid, as she's just a smart, tough, well-behaved kid. Tomas has the personality though. He told a Korean teacher the other day that he really likes Hank and is his best friend but "sometimes I bother him". When the teacher asked him what he meant, he said, "Well, you know, sometimes I just like to hit him." Also, while we were hanging out in homeroom (our ten-minute period before classes start in the morning), Tomas said something and Holly (Korean teacher) started cracking up. I asked her what was so funny and she said he looked at the other three kids and basically said, "We're in English school, right? So, why the hell aren't we learning English right now?" You gotta love kids with a lot of personality.

Finally, here's a couple of pics (as promised) from the cave/hiking expedition. That's all for now, b/c I'm exhausted and don't feel like typing anymore.

The Wire

This blog entry is solely about the Wire. If you have no interest in the show and haven't kept up with it, you might not be interested. If you have never watched the show, I encourage you to do so. I personally crown it the best show ever, after much thinking.

People whom I know would absolutely love this show: Ed Hoover; Pat Thompson; Mike Thompson; Mickey Saloma; Jeremy Bartlett; Drew Douglas; Ken Powell; Bill Atkinson; Dana Atkinson.

People whom I strongly suspect would love this show: Jay Wallace; Jenn Pedde; Jennifer Bryant; David Madden; Rosemary Jeffrey; Hilary Frisbie; Chris Schmidt; Jennifer Guevara; Mike Herrmann.

People who might like the show, if they could overlook the violence and drug use (and there's a lot of it): Sara Thompson; Robert Brehm

Random people who read my blog that I don't even know about, who might enjoy it: You!

Some people are not listed b/c I already know they watch and love this show. Basically, I'm encouraging all of you to watch it, at least to some degree. Now, on to my review of the show as a whole, and it's final episode:

This season was amazing. Every year, this show takes it to a new level. If I had to choose a favorite season, I'd probably picks season 4 (out of 5). However, the fact that they tied so much up, and brought back so many old characters for a farewell, made this season great. Out of the four kids from season 4, only one of them really has a good chance to make it in life. That's sad, but it's life in Baltimore (a life I've thankfully never known, but still life). It's tough to accept, but that's one of the great things about the Wire. It doesn't fake anything, but tells it like it is. Watching Duquant shoot up in the finale was one of the hardest parts of the show. Watching Michael try to become the next Omar, and knowing that the poor kid, as cunning as he is, is most likely doomed, was pretty rough too. Mike did have a great line though, in response to the "You're just a kid" comment, after he shotgun-blasted the guy's leg. "Yeah, and that's just a knee." Watching what happened to Randy in the group home was hard to accept too but, again, that's life. Naaman is the only one of them that got out, and good for him (and Bunny), but still...

Seeing Prezbo return for one last episode was good, and it's nice to see what a solid educator he's become, but I still couldn't help thinking that he could have done more for Dukie. I understand that it's not his problem, but it seems as if he really cared, he could have done something more than watching Dukie lie to him. Also, with Prezbo, you can never forget what he did to that kid in the first season. Although, as a plus for Prezbo, the "Gold Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields, sold in a market down in New Orleans" line from the first season was one of the things that made me realize just how great the dialogue is in this show.

Carver has really grown on me, especially after how hard he tried with Randy last season, and what he's done this season. Seth Gilliam, the actor playing him, has gotten better and has really made him a great character.

Herc has always bugged me, and this season was no different. His bullshit with Marlo's cell # wasn't just in my eyes, b/c he violated the moral terms of his job. Yeah, it helped take down a drug dealer, but it was bullshit. Definitely not my favorite character.

Kima pissed me off this season by ratting out McNulty and Lester. I admire her character in a lot of ways, but the shit she pulled, after all they've been through together, really bugged me.

Prop Joe was a great character, but he tried to skate through the mess one too many times. As cunning and smart as he is, he should have seen what Marlo was setting him up for. He got weak, and it cost him his life. I loved his whole clock shop operation though, actually charging Omar for clock repairs while they talked drug money.

Cheese, that's what you get for betraying Prop Joe. However, I have to give mad props to Method Man for some great acting this season, especially in the final episode. I re-watched that scene several times, and the guy who was all pissed at the fact that they were out $900K after Cheese got popped was hilarious.

Daniels has been an enigma for me. Sometimes the actor playing him was horrible, and sometimes he was remarkable. In the last episode he was great. The "To be continued" line to McNulty was hilarious, and that awkward elevator scene was great. Also, when he was talking to Pearlman outside of the mayor's office, he dropped the best "I don't give a FUCK" line in the history of TV or cinema. I had to rewind that one about eight times. Just perfect.

Bunk took a bit of a backseat this season, but his amazing work form earlier seasons can't be ignored. The drunken scene where McNulty has to help him pull his pants up and leave his one night stand's house was classic. Also, he may have delivered the funniest line in the whole series when he was talking to those dudes as Lester walked away and said, "Look at that bow-legged motherfucker. I made him walk like that."

Lester: My favorite character on this show. I love him to death b/c he fucking rules. His savvy, resolve, and smarts are a great combination. He's a good man who's willing to sacrifice it all to take down bad guys, but he can also hang with the high-level politicians and lawyers when it comes to cunning.

Delaney: Hey, fat man, your character is a real ass at times, but you're ultimately a good guy.

Bodie, you had the best spit in the history of TV, and you were true to the streets, but you should have seen it coming. You could have gotten out, but you chose not to.

Sydnor: His character never got the airtime that he should have, but he was an integral part of the show. It was nice to see him survive the bloodletting and stay on the force. A good cop and a good guy.

Bubbles: I'm not as big of a fan of Bubbles as some people, but I appreciate how he prevailed. It just seems like he kept stinking it up though, when the road to a better life was so obvious (and I'm not just talking about his addiction). His hat game from the first couple of seasons was classic.

Beatrice: I love Beatrice. The actress who plays her, Amy Ryan, is just great (nominated for best supporting actress this year). She's a good enough person, and sees enough good in McNulty, that she's willing to wait him out (to an extent) and talk to him in the right way. She saved that man, and helped save herself in the process.

Carcetti: Based loosely on Martin O'Malley, his character was great. He's a really good person at heart, but he's ultimately a politician, and that becomes more and more obvious in the last two seasons, especially the last one. But, if you have to elect a politician, a guy like him is a great choice. Fighting off the advances of his campaign manager was a stand-up move, and was great scene.

Omar: Just couldn't let it go. He deviated from his history and started killing people he didn't have to. Once he did that, you knew he was doomed. He contributed so much to the show, and I didn't like that he went out the way he did, but I understand it. Still...

Brother Mahone: I love that guy! Why didn't they bring him back after season 3?

Gus and Templeton: Only there for one season, but the whole Baltimore Sun aspect was great. I couldn't believe they let Scott get away with that shit at the end, b/c that's NOT life. Augustus could have put a stop to it, and I have to believe that he would have in real life.

Pearlman: Eh, I never thought she contributed much, but I have to mention her. The whole McNulty/Daniels relationship was interesting for a while, and the black on white sex scene at the end of season 3 was slightly groundbreaking.

Barksdale: He's been long-gone for a while, but his cameo this season with Marlo was priceless, one of the best scenes of the series.

The Greek: I honestly thought they might take him down this season, but that wouldn't have been true to life. The "No, he's not Joe" comment was priceless, and the way they gave Marlo permission to pop Joe was great.

Levy: He really grew in the past season, and I love how he's just as ruthless (if not more so) than the dealers.

Marlo: Jamie Hector, the guy who plays him, just owns this role. Watching him come up and take over the entire city was priceless. One of the five best characters of the series. Watching him lick the blood off his suit and the end, and realizing he could never stay off the corners, shows that he'll be dead or in jail within a few years. Just can't give up the crown.

Rawls: Well-played. You knew he'd find a way to stay in it until the end.

Clay Davis: I love this motherfucker, the black Bill Atkinson. Nobody has said, "Shiiiiittttttt" as well in the history of TV.

Jimmy McNulty: Nailing the hooker, nailing the waitress after drunkenly smashing his car up, being a great cop, pulling his life together, almost losing it all again, and then finally showing us that he'll probably get it back. He's a great character, and he'd be my favorite if I didn't love Lester so much.

Most of all, this show is about Baltimore. I'm a big fan of underrated things, and Baltimore is one of the most underrated cities in the USA. The history that city has, and the fight it's making to come back from such a horrible downturn, is a great story. This show has done nothing but help it. Baltimore is a great place. Yeah, it's got plenty of flaws, but it has a character that most cities can only dream about (and I'm not even talking about the Inner Harbor). I'm talking about Babe Ruth, Edgar Allen Poe, Misty of the Chincoteague, and all that other shit. I'm talking about Irish, Africans, Pollocks, Italians, English, and ever other ethnicity in that city combining to make an amazing, but volatile, place. I'm talking about Johns Hopkins, Camden Yards, the Inner Harbor (yes, we can finally include it), steamed crabs, Utz, Bethlehem Steel, the Sun, and all that other good stuff. This show is about Baltimore, and that's the biggest reason it's fascinating.

So, if I've forgotten anyone, I'll go back and edit. Basically, this is my chance to pay tribute to the greatest show ever through my blog. I encourage all of you who are still reading to watch the Wire. That is all.

Caves, Hiking, Ferries, and Dumb Kids

I went on my first Korean wilderness adventure yesterday. After some much-needed blowing off of steam on Friday night, I woke up at 5:30, disoriented and in need of McDonald's, to get ready to meet my friend Jenn for our cave trip. Several other esteemed Suji residents backed out for various reasons, so Jenn and I were troopers and made the trip alone. It was honestly one of the coolest day trips I've ever been on. We bussed it for 2.5 hours to this huge dam (the largest concrete dam in Asia) and then took a two hour ferry ride through a Korean national park. The scenery was amazing and the river/lake was awesome. It reminded me of my family's old lake house in Buggs Island, NC, as far as much of the scenery and landscape goes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerr_Lake). However, this lake was surrounded by mountains, and most of it was completely unspoiled by development. I was actually able to see the sun without any haziness for the first time in this country. After the ferry ride, we went hiking through a huge cavern and saw staallagamites and sttaalagggtights, and all that other shit. It was actually very cool. We deviated from the tour path and "colored outside the lines" by noticing a staircase that went up toward the roof of the cavern that we clearly weren't supposed to take. However, there weren't any signs (not in English, anyway), so we figured we were covered, and took it. We ended up walking/crawling up near the ceiling, and were looking down on the tour line below us. When we finally came down and realigned with the rest of the group, some chick was all jealous and muttered something like, "Aww, man, we wanted to do that." I was reminded of the old Tony Montana quote from Scarface: "There's only one thing in this world that gives orders. That's balls."

Finally, after hiking through the cave, we hiked some more up to this really cool rock formation near the top of a mountain. For the second time that day, I chucked rocks from a high elevation into the lake below me. Why is it that it's so fascinating to throw large objects from high distances into water? Jeremy, any thoughts on this? I would say it's a guy thing, but that's not all there is to it, b/c Jenn got into it too. Honestly, when I went to Thailand, throwing coconuts off the top of a mountain was one of the highlights of my trip. Oh, well, I'm not in the mood to delve into the human subconscious right now, but it's definitely food for thought (my advanced class knows what that means).

So, b/c of the hiking trip, I was unable to teach my private and my friend Travis filled in for me. I prepped him the night before and he was ready for the lesson, and I gave him perfect directions. He ended up getting there an hour late. He actually called me while he was lost and looking for the place, and we had the following exchange:

Travis: Dude, these directions are shit. The whole thing is fucked!

Me: Relax, man. Where are you?

Travis: I'm at the subway station, just like you told me. I'm staring at a Dunkin' Donuts. Is there a Dunkin' Donuts here? Am I in the right place? I think I'm lost.

Me: I don't know, man. Chill out. I don't remember if there's a DD there or not. Did you do what I told you? Did you walk up the steps to Exit #3?

Travis: Yeah, but it just gets fucked up from there.

Me: Well, I told you to just keep going straight, walk in the same direction you were going when you came up the stairs.

Travis: Yeah, but if I walk perfectly straight, I'll end up in the street and get hit by a fucking car.

Me: Hmm... what happens if you veer just a tiny bit to the right when you come up the stairs?

Travis: Oh, well then I'd be walking down the sidewalk.

Me: Okay, do that.

Anyway, fucktorch got there an hour late, but proceeded to have a good lesson (he drank with the students after, and introduced them to the shout). He actually pinned all of the blame on me (but, b/c of my Zen-like beliefs on blame, I'm okay with it) and convinced the students that I'm a horrible direction-giver. This was after he talked to Bin, the director of the privates, and Bin gave him the exact same directions I had, which made Travis tell me that he felt like he was retarded b/c he couldn't find the place. Oh, the shit you put up with from your friends. Travis is cool as shit though, and one of my closest friends here. It's just nice to have some dipshit ammo in reserve if I ever need to bust it out on him.

After the hiking trip, I met up with a bunch of other Sujians at Seoul Pub in Itaewon and proceeded to throw down some beers. I got involved in a chugging contest with a Korean bar owner, a soldier from Philly who puts out cigarettes on his tongue, some other random Korean, and my new friend Austin. I finished third (those of you who know my chugging ability know that there were some damn good chuggers in this contest). Austin finished last, and had to buy the $18 round of beers as punishment. I know Austin through my friend Courtney from A&M, and Austin went there too. He's stationed in Korea in the Army, but likes to hang out with civilians and make friends outside of the service. He's a pretty cool guy, and I gained a lot of admiration for him last night b/c he was wearing a shirt that Larry Dallas from Three's Company would wear.

That's about all that's new in Korea. The week was long and stressful b/c of the new kids and new classes, and this fun weekend was just what I needed. I got two new afternoon classes and a bunch of new kids in the afternoon, including a class of 9-year-olds that knows absolutely no English. I got to name one of them (Mickey, b/c he looked like he might be a bit of an asshole), bringing my total of named Korean kids to two. As for my morning kid that I named, Hank, well, let's just say I'm a little disappointed. Don't get me wrong, he's a good, happy kid (all four of my new morning kids are), but he's as dumb as a sack of hammers. The poor kid is just dumb, and there's no other way to put it. The three other kids in the class are very smart, so he stands out even more. I was doing work with them in their math book last week, and going through patterns of shapes. It was circle, square, circle, square, circle, square, circle, "what comes next". The other three kids, Claire, Janie, and Tomas (Mickeyjimmy!) all figured out the answer to that problem and the other one in about four seconds. Hank was just staring at the page with drool running down his mouth, looking like he'd picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. I asked him what went next and he told me, "Circle". "Okay", I responded, but what about, maybe, square?" "No, circle", he replied. The kid actually sat there arguing with me for a little bit, until I just grabbed his book and circled the square and said, "Okay, next page". This is just one example of the little drooler's ineptitude. I love the kid though, b/c he's Hank and b/c he's a really good kid. I just hate to see dumb people wandering the Earth, that's all.

So, that's about it for now. There is fishing going on at the White River and I'm missing it. Aunt Rosie, I know you read this, so I want to wish you the best of luck in dealing with the Republicans at the river. They'll be especially feisty b/c it's looking more and more certain that the evil, black Muslim will be our new president. What a welcome change that will be. Let's hope he gets into office before President Dipshit decides to nuke Ecuador. And, on that note, I am out.

Let There Be Hank!

So, due to those damn meddling Korean parents, I only got to name one kid. My director got confused and told me I would have six new kids, but I only got four. The two girls came in with names, Claire and Janie (although I think she might be a Jenny with bad pronunciation, b/c she tilts her head and gives me a funny look whenever I call her Janie). One of the boys is named Tomas (I need to fix that b/c we're not teaching Spanish here). The other boy told us he had no English name, so I immediately named him after my favorite TV character, Hank Moody. Later on, we found out his mother gave him the name James. One of the Korean teachers asked him if he wanted to keep James or switch to Hank, and he was all over Hank. That's right, young man, you know a damn good name when you hear it! Now go drink, curse, womanize, and be witty!

I saw my old morning kids today for the first time since last Wednesday. They all came to hug me, and Gloria held on to me for about two minutes. I felt so bad, like I've deserted them b/c I don't get to teach them in the afternoon anymore. These things are so strange and new to me, developing genuine feelings of affection for other people. Perhaps there's hope for me after all.

I'm continuing to teach my advanced lesson on Saturdays, and it's going well. It's really cool to be able to talk to Koreans about world topics and find out what they think about everything. It's a very laid-back class, with me teaching them common expressions (on the spur of the moment; it's high time; once in a blue moon, etc.) in English for about half the class, then reading them a passage and having a group discussion about it, then bullshitting for about half an hour about whatever, then receiving 70K for my troubles. It's like my Saturdays and Sundays are paid for now. I start teaching evening lessons on Tuesday and Thursday this week. I'll be teaching a 4th grade boy for an hour, then his 15-year-old sister for the 2nd hour. The boy will require a little more concentration, but the girl is very good at English (she lived in Vancouver for a year) and her mom just wants me to BS with her for half the lesson so her speaking will improve. So, while that will cut into my free and social time a little, it won't be so bad.

I'll be moving into my new apartment on the 9th, and inheriting a twin bed, which will be awesome. I'll be bringing the coolest couch in Suji with me, so the new place will be a swinging little bachelor pad. It's also about twice as big as my current place, and has a separate room for the kitchen area, so I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, the black death growing on my wall is cool and all, but it will be nice to breathe in only mildly polluted air from now on.

It's getting warmer here and I've sworn off jackets for the month of March. That's gonna be my new thing. I'm gonna be one of those principled assholes who walks around spouting my dogma. For me, it's, "It's March. I don't wear no damn jacket in March." Seriously, the weather should do nothing but get warmer from here on out and the next few months should be very pleasant (until June hits and it'll feel like I'm in a Burmese jungle).

I got to play darts for the first time in 5+ months last weekend, and my skills haven't really fallen off. One of the benefits of having a dartboard in my old apartment. It took me a little while to get warmed up, but I eventually dominated the Nashville Extension bar scene. In my final game, I was playing my friend Jenn and completely broke her spirit when I started out the game with bull's eye, bull's eye, and a dart that hit the bull's eye and bounced off. Since my foosball skills have fallen off in recent weeks (or maybe others have just caught up), I needed to find a new sport in which to rule.

Lastly, I'll be going on a cave-exploring expedition this weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. We have to take a ferry to some river that we'll hike along, then explore some Korean caves and shit. Should be a good time. Until then, I'll be teaching colors and shapes to my new kids, and ass-clowning around Suji all week. Take care!

Oh, one more thing about Korea. On Saturday, a bunch of my friends went to see FC Seoul play the LA Galaxy in soccer. Beckham's team is making a big Asian tour, so a bunch of people wanted to see him. I couldn't go b/c of my lesson, but I heard about one of the coolest things ever. Anyone who has ever been caught trying to sneak alcohol into a sporting event or concert knows that all confiscated beverages just feed the drinking habits of the stadium employees. Well, not in Korea. They confiscate your contraband (great word), tag it and give you a receipt, then give it back to you when you leave the arena. How ridiculously honest are these people? Such a stand-up move!